Identity in Motherhood
BY : MADDY WELLUM
The title of “mom” is very different for me than most people. Mostly because I share that title with another important person in my kids’ life. Foster mom, birth mom, bio mom, adoptive mom. All parts of my story and all equally important titles.
The first person to ever call me “mom” was my blonde-haired, blue-eyed foster son. I met him as a stranger in the NICU the day we brought him home from the hospital. As a new mom, I learned how to swaddle and suction his nose in the middle of the night, while juggling caseworker visits and endless paperwork. It was unconventional, but I felt like his mama instantly. “Foster mom” is such a heavy title as it comes with the weight and responsibility of caring for another woman’s child. I’m called to love and care for him, while holding space for his story and his first mama. His “birth mom.” She carried him those 9 months in the womb. He has her nose, her taste buds, and her affinity for music. He’s a fighter just like her, and she’ll always be one of the most important women in our family’s story.
Six months into our foster care journey, I found out I would be a “bio mom.” We were expecting our first biological son in the summer of 2022. My heart swelled with excitement at the thought of raising two boys so close in age. Filling our home with tiny feet, snotty noses, and wrestling matches. The weight of the title “bio mom” landed differently having been a foster mom first. I suddenly had more empathy for our foster son’s mom. The connection she felt to him, the way she thought of his name and dreamed of who he would be. She has so much love for him, and I now understand that in a whole new way.
Four weeks after we found out we were pregnant with our son, we found out our foster son was going to have a baby sister by the same birth mama. The state asked us if we would also care for her in order to keep siblings together. The babies were born just two days apart – “twins.”
Today, I carry the titles “foster mom” and “bio mom.” We talk about their “birth mom” regularly. Soon, I’ll be an “adoptive mom” once our oldest’s adoption is finalized.
After holding so many titles as a mom, I really struggled with my identity in motherhood. Not only did I become a foster and bio mom to 3 kids in just 18 months time, I also quit my job to stay home full time with the kids. I got so wrapped up in my sense of identity and worth in the role I was in . I was a mom, but motherhood looked so different for me than so many other moms I knew. I felt like I still had a job as I was working to juggle foster care meetings and therapies for my children, yet I didn’t have a traditional job. Motherhood was nothing like I thought it would be. I loved it, but I felt alone. I convinced myself that I was alone in my motherhood journey.
And that’s just what the enemy wants. He takes our life calling and twists it into a lie to isolate and tear us down. I have to work daily to combat these lies and focus on the truths of who I am in Christ. Forgiven, beloved, righteous, holy, reborn, remade. I work really hard to tap into the parts of myself that haven’t changed even though motherhood has changed me in so many ways. Some of the best ways. But despite all the change, sometimes I focus on the fact that I still love to thrift. I remember that being around water is grounding for me and drinking a glass of wine while I cook feels like a vacation. I notice things that bring me joy like the slight sway of the leaves as they blow in the wind. I focus on things that I’ve always been good at like helping new people feel comfortable and feeling confident in new situations.
At the end of the day, I’m sure most of our lives look a little different than we ever imagined. But if you take a minute to pause, reflect on your identity in Christ, and choose to focus on the little things that bring you joy, you might just remember that you’ve been called to this season. If you’ve been called, you are equipped.
I’ve been called to this season of motherhood. Maybe for you it’s something different, but whatever it may be, even if it looks different than you thought it would, if you’ve been called then you are equipped.
