Disappointed and Hopeful

BY : CLARE HICKEY

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My name is Clare Hickey, and I am so honored to be friends with some of the Freed and Flourishing Co. ladies! Caroline and I have been good friends for almost 9 years now (I cannot believe it has been that long). A lot of my story the last 8 years has unfolded as a result of Caroline’s faithfulness in listening to God and him urging me to move to Uganda with her after we graduated college.

I am going to share just a small part of my story from the last few years about walking through disappointment to surrender to new plans and finding hope in the process. My prayer is that it encourages you and through it, you are reminded we have a good Father who is faithful to complete the work he began in us – even if that means plans changing and our path being altered. 

After moving to Uganda with Caroline, I ended up living there for three years. These were three years characterized by a lot of transition and truthfully a lot of hardship. I was young, and I had a lot to learn. I walked through experiences of deep hurt during my time in East Africa. In 2018, I unexpectedly had to come home. What I didn’t know was that my time living in Uganda ended when I boarded that plane. I thought I would definitely return to pick back up with a ministry that had grown dear to my heart and a people group I loved. 

Leaving Uganda left me with a lot of hurt and disappointment in people I had trusted and built relationships with. I felt abandoned and misunderstood. Despite what I experienced externally, God held me close in that season, reminding me of his promise to never leave or abandon me. Although my time in Uganda ended, I continually felt that my time on the mission field wasn’t over. I had no idea what this was going to look like, but I trusted God and knew he wasn’t done with me overseas. He certainly wasn’t done with my story and had greater plans for me as his daughter than I could even comprehend at the time. What a sweet, sweet reminder. From Austin to Costa Rica to Colorado for Seminary, God had been preparing me for what is next.

It has been almost 5 years since I left Uganda, and I am currently training to be sent to West Africa in a little over a month. There is so much I could say about the last four and a half years of my life. So much hurt turned into so much healing. So much confusion turned into so much clarity and direction. God has given me a vision for unreached people and a heart to see his love transform hearts in a land that is dry and weary. There are still a lot of unanswered questions about the way my time in Uganda ended, but as God prepares me for this next season, he is faithfully reminding me that in his time and in his way, he makes all things beautiful and that he is worth it, over and over and over again. In the fear and the wrestling that comes with this big move, I am reminded to hope. To put my hope in the One who I know is faithful and the One who has promised again and again to sustain me in the next place. My hope for you too is that along with me, you would “hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful” (Hebrews 10:23). He is faithful and he is good, and if that’s all my story has to say for itself at the end of my life, I know it’s worth it.  

If you’re in a season of change and maybe even disappointment, I hope my story reminds you that plans shifting does not mean your life is over. I encourage you to lean into the change, grieve what was lost, and be open to what is to come. Although it may be different than what you thought, you may find it far better. I can assure you that surrendering to unknown territory has changed me and grown me in ways I never imagined. I also hope you’re reminded it’s okay to do it scared. I have no idea where my life is going to take me in west Africa, but I know it’s where I’m supposed to be, and I’m hopeful and expectant.