The Importance of Margin

by: Shelby Miller

---

I am a list girl to my core.  I mean I don’t usually make it through my first cup of coffee without making some sort of list.

Our culture is all about to do lists. Actually it’s more like a “to do by…” list. Finish college by this age, get married by this age, first baby by this age, career advancement by this age, second kid, new car, new house, private school…the list is never ending. I don’t know about you, but there seems to be an unspoken pressure to get things done…all the time. Almost as if you aren’t busy then you aren’t  important. We glorify being exhausted. Busy schedules are part of our sick social tiers. 

You know why else I think we fill our schedules and have an insatiable need for busyness? I think slow moments terrify us. If we have a gap in our schedule we might actually have to sit with our inner selves – our feelings, our pain, our loneliness. So every free second we have is spent scrolling through the busy lives of our friends so we don’t have to feel anything. 

So what’s my big resolution to this hustle, keeping up with the Jones’, burn ourselves out culture we have created? I’m so glad you asked. It’s this little thing I’m learning about called “margin”. 

Margin is like the edges of your word document. Pretty white space that keeps your words on the page, makes them easier to read, and allows space for you to add notes and ideas during revision. Margin in our life looks like intentionally choosing to not schedule your day from sun up to lights out. It means giving yourself time in the morning to not rush out the door yelling at your kids, your dog, and even your neighbor. It means not making plans every night this week in case something comes up that needs your attention. It means your kids might only play one sport instead of four. Margin is walking slowly through life. Margin is taking a less efficient route home. It’s planning to not work through your lunch break so you can sit in the break room with a coworker. It’s making a specific plan to have quality family time or quality alone time no matter how scary that may feel at first. Margin is not rigid, margin is freedom.

This might mean it takes you longer to get that promotion you’ve been working towards. Your kid might not be a professional multi-sport athlete. You might not get invited to every single outing with your friend group. You might lose instagram followers because you haven’t been posting as much and the algorithm knows (ahem…you know what I’m talking about). You might find out you have some unresolved hurt in your heart. You might realize that you have been really lonely. 

And – you might meet someone new as you walk slowly through your life. You might start to heal. You might have friends that truly know you and show up for you. Your kids might hear stories from your childhood. You might get to hear about your husband’s day. You might realize how much you enjoy being outside.  You might become a really good listener. You might have space to add notes and ideas to your own life. 

You might feel like you are losing your life. But you might just find it instead.