A Value Driven Life
BY : EMILY SANDERS
Have you ever felt like you just can’t seem to get where you are wanting to go? Do you scroll instagram and feel jealousy and despair? Are you sometimes frustrated with your kids or your spouse? Do you get tired of making even the littlest decisions? If you answered yes to even one of these questions then we need to talk values.
Values are something we all live with but way too often don’t ever acknowledge what they are. That may not seem like a big issue, but it’s probably the reason that you were able to answer yes to my questions. Without being clear on our values, we are going to move through life frustrated, jealous and tired. But it doesn’t have to be that way. For my family, I have found that having a clear set of values has been the greatest gift. So maybe it could be for yours as well!
We set out to define our family values back at the beginning of 2020 (perfect timing for the year to come). We had some big changes coming our way and wanted to be really clear about what direction we were headed and how we wanted to encourage our family to show up in the process. Our first list was big… like 30 things big. That wasn’t realistic. You can’t truly value that many things. So my husband and I each made our own lists of our top 10 values. After coming together, we settled on five for our family. Generosity, hospitality, togetherness, fun, and gratefulness were what our family was going to be about.
So let me tell you how this changed the game for us. Right away, it began to challenge what battles I was fighting. I used to get so angry that our house had toys everywhere or that the kids were grumpy after a late night. But after identifying fun as one of our values, I was able to let go of that. So we build forts, and we have movie nights, and we leave the dishes in the sink so we can play at the park after dinner. We get dirty, and we go on last minute adventures. We say yes a lot because of fun!
Because of our value of generosity, I am less judgmental and more content. I know that we are going to spend our money differently than other families and that’s ok. We don’t focus on building big savings, and that is ok.
We are a busy family, my kids all play multiple sports. But those were easy choices to make because for now, we are able to do it together. We spend Saturdays at a ball field or in a gym, but we’re there together, and it is a blast! If it ever stops being fun or keeps us apart more than together, we know it’s time to reevaluate that decision. See how easy that is?
We like to have our kid’s friends over as much as we can. Hospitality is not just for adults. It’s for our kiddos too! So we teach them about how we take care of people and serve others when they come to our home.
Gratefulness may be the hardest value for us. It is one we reach for, but we do it because it’s going to get us where we want to go. We want to be people that are filled with joy and freedom. And the happiest, freest people are grateful people.
Over the last few years, we have added a sixth value to our list. Grit. It made its way in naturally. As our kids have grown, we have realized that one battle we will always fight is to never give up. We do hard things in our home. We own mistakes and make them right. We walk the narrow path. So grit is a must.
These examples are just a small glimpse at the ways that our values show up in our home and how they shape our family. They truly permeate everything we do and say. I don’t get angry about grades because academic excellence isn’t a value but because grit is, we won’t give up at school just because it’s hard. We do our best to keep the house tidy, not because cleanliness is a value but because hospitality is, and we want to always be ready to receive someone into our home.
A value is simply something that you choose to place higher importance on than anything else. You have them. Look at what you make time for. What do you catch yourself saying over and over and over? What hill will you die on? What makes your soul come alive? Chances are those will point you to what truly matters. Identify them. And then commit to live a value driven life. It’s the best kind!
