Being a Team with Finances
BY : HANNAH HUTTON
I tend to think in the short term, my husband thinks about the long game.
This plays out in some really beautiful ways in our marriage, and at the beginning it made money conversations challenging. I was wanting to enjoy the here & now and buy the appetizer and take the trip, and I sometimes lacked long term vision. He wanted to make sure we were well cared for, had a buffer in our savings, working towards our dreams, and he sometimes lacked the ability to enjoy our money in the here & now.
We created a joint bank account right before we got married and have always viewed our money as “ours”. What he makes at work and what I make from my photography business is shared. This is a beautiful thing, and it also meant that we really have had to work to be on the same page. There have been tears and miscommunications and frustrations sprinkled through many conversations – I’m sure we aren’t the only ones. There was fear that swelled up in me that we would never get to live life to the fullest and fears that rose up in my husband that he would be the only one advocating for us to save and be wise long term. At the beginning, both of our fears held a bit of validity, as we both had a lot of growing to do in our own perspectives. Over time, through mentors, counseling, prayer, and reminding one another we are for each other and what the other dreams our finances can mean, we are able to approach money in a hopeful way.
Now we talk through our spending and our financial dreams often – almost daily in fact. And we work together to reach goals with joy and teamwork! Before getting to this point, we had a tendency to feel scattered with money, not knowing where the dollars were going every month. We were feeling frustrated at each other, thinking the other was the issue, even though that wasn’t always the case. Needs like groceries, fuel, and eating out can so easily add up. Without seeing our tendencies, it was hard to feel like we were being good stewards of what we had been given, and it created tension between us. Especially since I liked living in the moment, and he felt like our goals were getting further and further away from us.
One of the ways we have found to best be a team when it comes to our money is having a budget. We once heard that “a budget is permission to spend”. While that sounds so odd, it really has proven to be true. We have set aside money in certain categories, so when I purchase something, Ben doesn’t stress because he knows we have allocated money for it that we agreed upon together previously. He can be excited about what I got instead of stressed about how we will meet our other needs. Our budget is the freedom for us to spend, knowing everything else is covered!
There are so many things I can share about our journey in this area, and my husband and I will be doing a deeper dive together soon. For now, I wanted to share a few of the resources that helped us get started, learn more about how to steward well, and the budgeting tools we use to keep us on track!
Education:
We took a class called Financial Peace University that was incredibly helpful for us. It helped us become more self-aware about how we personally approach money, and what that meant as a couple. It also helped us learn how to budget well and approach all the in-betweens like taxes and saving! These classes are hosted at many churches, likely one near you! You can check in your area for a class here:
https://www.ramseysolutions.com/ramseyplus/financial-peace/class
Budgeting Tools:
A good place to start is using a form like this one to help you get a good baseline of how much money you need for each category of spending based on what you currently spend:
If you need a guideline as you fill these numbers out, look through your previous bank statements and add up how much you tend to spend in each category each month as of now. Then, you can change the numbers to stay within your means while still making sure everything else is covered!
Budgeting Apps:
I never thought I would be one to enjoy doing the budget and categorizing transactions. However, I truly look forward to it now! It is so rewarding to watch where our money is going and to see the sacrifices we are making pay off as we reach our goals! This tool has a little bit of a learning curve, but it is incredibly worth the bit of extra time it takes to understand how to use it. It has an app as well as can be used on your laptop!
Another wonderful budgeting tool! This one is simpler to use and understand quickly. It also has the ability to help you work towards longer term goals! It is a very beautiful app that I have enjoyed using and can also be used on your laptop as well.
Money is a wonderful tool that allows us to give and bless others, enjoy experiences, and cover our basic needs. It can also be a tension point. If you are feeling that in your relationship, I hope you know you are not alone. It can be challenging to see eye to eye, listen well to your spouse, feel heard, and see a shared vision. However, it is not impossible. My husband and I are cheering you on and fully believe these tools can help!
