Loving in Their Language
By: Hannah Hutton
Picture this: Your best friend is having a really tough day. Sick kids, not much sleep, marriage tension. You want to encourage & show her you care. The kicker? You live 200 miles away and can’t just drop by to be a helping hand.
Or this one: You are feeling so grateful for your husband and want to express that to him. However, last time you tried to thank him with a text it felt like the words fell flat and didn’t really mean a lot to him.
Okay maybe this one: Your daughter came home from school feeling pretty defeated. A girl at lunch made a less than kind comment about her green dress, and she’s feeling a little insecure. You want to build her up but are struggling to know how.
Okay, we will come back to these.
But first, have you heard of love languages? Sounds a little odd, right?
I’d argue they are quite revolutionary, and knowing your friend, spouse, or kiddo’s love language can actually cultivate rich depth in your relationship.
A man named Gary Chapman coined the phrase and wrote a book all about it. Essentially, different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. Maybe the keychain your friend bought you was a kind gesture, but the encouragement she texted you felt like a lifeline on a hard day. Those words really nurtured your heart while the keychain just made you smile. Both have impact and mean something, but one just hit in a way the other didn’t.
Learning how you give and receive love is very valuable when you’re in relationship with others. It’s also equally important to know the same about those closest to you. It helps you support and love on your friends, family, spouse or kids in a deeply meaningful way that speaks to them.
First step: Figure out what your love languages are! You could have one top one or a few that are all close in significance. You can take the short quiz here:
https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
So helpful, right? Now, have your spouse, best friend, or someone else that plays a significant role in your life take the test too. Be sure they let you know their results!
Now, back to the scenarios we started with. Your far-away best friend is having a rough day. You learned that two of her top love languages are Receiving Gifts and Words of Affirmation. You decide to send her a gift card to a local coffee shop and an intentional text of encouragement about the great mom she is. She feels seen and loved, and you feel as though you were able to be there for her in a way that really resonates with her heart!
You learned that your husband’s top love language is quality time. So to show him your appreciation, you cancel that girl’s night you had planned and instead spend the evening with him. Through that gesture, you show him that time together is a priority, and it communicates you were willing to put that above something else. He feels appreciated in return.
Your daughter maybe didn’t take the test, but from learning about the languages you can tell that she really feels loved through physical touch and quality time. After her tough day at school, you give her a big hug and take her out to get an ice cream cone, just the two of you. You remind her of her beauty and sit with her as she shares more of what happened at school. She feels seen and cared for through your presence.
An effort to move in someone’s direction in love is never wasted or in vain. It is always worth pursuing those in your life, even if it’s not perfectly curated towards their personality. However, it can be even more impactful when it’s an intentional act spoken in a language they receive best.
As Valentine’s Day rolls around, what better time to learn a little bit more about those you love and show them you care in a way that means the most to them!
Stuck on ideas of how to show up for someone in a language that you aren’t as naturally bent towards? Check out the guide I created that gives intentional suggestions within each love language!
