Starting the Conversation Around Body Shame

BY : CAROLINE SCHNEIDER

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I have this vivid memory from middle school. My friends and I were sitting around the lunch table while I was listening to them critique their bodies and share how they needed to get them “summer ready”. I remember feeling so uncomfortable listening to their words for two reasons.

First, to be uncomfortably honest, I have rarely felt confident in my body and would have never deemed it “good” per our cultural standards. I say good because that’s a phrase I had become accustomed to hearing at this point in my life…”she has a good body”. The pressure to look a certain way – one I knew I would never measure up to – left me with feelings of shame and failure. Confessing that makes me feel a little queasy. It stirs up so much sadness and empathy for that girl carrying around such negative belief for so long and for the women that believe they have to “fix their bodies” to feel worthy and valuable.

Secondly, I think that conversation made me uncomfortable because deep down I know we were never meant to carry the burden of body shame. Our eyes were never meant to be that critical of our bodies and others. I hate (emphasis on hate) that we live in a culture that cares way more about the outside than the inside. I long for every human to know their value far beyond what people see and observe in a few seconds. 

I don’t know if it’s because I have an eye for seeing beauty in others that often moves me to tears or because God has given me discernment on this deep flaw in our world, but I so desperately want humans to be celebrated and known for what makes them uniquely them. For their battle scars, their overcomings, their acknowledgement of weakness and need for others, for their joy.  I mean can you imagine a world where we see sacrifice, small acts of kindness, hard work, brokenness, perseverance, and strength before we see anything else? It would change how you view every person. These are the things that make humanity beautiful…not what number is on the scale. Oh how I wish this was the world we lived in! Writing about this topic is new territory for me, but one I feel ready for and passionate about. 

So here’s the deal, whatever it is that caused you to click on this post and read it, I want you to know I am so glad you did. One, because 97% of women struggle with body shame in some form. And two, because I want to make a promise to you:  I am committed to starting this conversation in this space because I know starting is often the hardest part. I  am willing to go first and admit this part of me because I hope my bravery empowers you to be brave too. I know that in order to live in freedom and flourish in who we were created to be, it takes getting honest with ourselves and a willingness to go to the hard places, voicing the lies we have believed that have stirred up shame. 

I am committed to this because as I type these words, I have a two year old daughter sleeping next to me full of so much innocence, and I refuse to give way to the lies of our culture that would like to dictate her view of her body. She will always know she’s beautiful and her body is good because I will tell her often. 

If I can be a small part of a shift in her world when it comes to bodies, I will be. 

If I can be a small part of the release body shame as on you, I will be. 

If I can be a small part of women feeling more free in their bodies and flourishing in who they were created to be, I will be. 

This matters so much to me. 

If you found yourself deeply resonating with these words – which you most likely did if that 97% statistic is correct – I want you to know I am so sorry for the shame you have carried about your body. I am so sorry for any words that have been spoken about your body that made it feel less than. I am so sorry we live in a broken, messed up world that can be achingly cruel when it comes to the way we look. And I also want you to know, I am so proud of you for clicking on this post and reading it. I hope you continue coming back to this conversation and being a part of this community that is committed to celebrating women in the fullness of who we are. I also want you to know I see you, and I don’t have to “see” you to know you are a beautiful human. You’re a beautiful human because you are you, and because I believe in the words of God when He spoke humans into existence – “you are very good.” Every part of you is very good. 

To be continued…