Choosing Forgiveness

By: Shelby Miller

I imagine if you have breath in your lungs you have been hurt before. Someone that was supposed to love you, cherish you, protect you, and encourage you became the person that bullied you, abused you, screamed at you, betrayed you, abandoned you, and used you. People were created to help each other, support each other, and hold each other up. When that bond is broken, there’s a different level of pain. Yet in this hurting world, it is inevitable. Hurting people hurt people. So chances are you have been hurt, and many of you are still hurting. The wounds are still wide open, and the words are still ringing in your ears. You want to move on, but moving on means forgiving them, and you will never do that. 

Because they don’t deserve it. 

Because you won’t let them off the hook. 

Because you can’t forget it.

Because forgiving them would belittle the pain they caused you.

Because forgiving them would mean they got away with it.

So instead you remain trapped in unforgiveness, waiting for an apology or some sort of retribution that may or may not come. You escaped the abuse or manipulation, but you are still a slave to the unforgiveness. I once heard someone say that holding unforgiveness in your heart was like setting yourself on fire and hoping your enemy dies of smoke inhalation.

Can I challenge you to try forgiveness? Not because what you went through didn’t hurt, not because that person deserves forgiveness, but because you deserve freedom. 

Forgiveness doesn’t change what happened.

Forgiveness doesn’t say it was okay.

Forgiveness doesn’t let them off the hook.

Forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you. 

I was in a really ugly relationship my freshman year of college. Words were spoken over me that I never imagined someone could say to another person. I was afraid of how things were escalating. I was threatened, and I was verbally abused. Months later sitting in a small group, I was challenged to forgive this person. “No ma’am,” I remember thinking. “I’ll forgive him when I feel ready.” The next words out of my leader’s mouth changed my life forever.

“Choices lead, feelings follow.”

You might not feel like forgiving today, but if you make the choice to release that person, the feelings will follow. I’m not going to lie…the feelings didn’t follow for me for weeks. I had to wake up and choose forgiveness every single day and after weeks of opening my hands, the feelings slowly started to follow. The walls around my heart began to crumble. I started letting people in again. The bondage of unforgiveness almost kept out the man that is now my husband. If I had waited until I felt like forgiving the person that hurt me, I may have missed out on being loved by Logan.

So because you likely will not hear this from the person that hurt you, let me say it for them. I am sorry. I am sorry for the hurt you felt at the hands of another person. I am sorry for the times you felt worthless and broken. I am sorry. You did not deserve this, and it is not okay.

You are worthy of love and belonging. You can be free. Choose today to forgive – to tear down walls that yes, keep out the bullies, but also keep out the protectors – the ones that will hold you up and cherish you. Choose freedom today. There is good for you, and I’m believing that with you!