Practicing Sabbath As A Family
BY : AVERI WHITMAN WITH EMILY SANDERS
Sabbath is an ancient (but evergreen) spiritual discipline. It can feel intimidating, but when we lean into the rest and presence of Jesus that accompanies this practice, it can bring our families closer and let us appreciate the fullness of communion.
I got to chat with my friend, Emily Sanders, who is committed to practicing sabbath with her husband and young kids. There’s so much to soak in and sit with from this conversation, but I hope you walk away knowing that this does not have to look the same for everyone. It’s not about perfection or getting it right. You can start right where you are, in whatever season.
AW : Talk a bit about the moment that you realized you needed to intentionally practice sabbath as a family…
We were go go go go and at the time I was very proud of that life. I thought “we are doing it, this is God’s design. This is a mark of spiritual maturity. God is proud of what we are doing”.
Covid exposed a gap in our soul. As a family, we were stripped of our busyness and we succumbed to our “injuries”… we had some major things out of whack.
AW : What is sabbath? What does it mean to you?
Sabbath is an ancient practice. Jesus models it because God established it in the OT.
God gave the practice of sabbath as a gift. In ancient times, it was on their Holy day. A 24-hr period set aside. Given as a gift to let go. A holy release of responsibility, worries and burdens, the need to perform and hustle and improve. We hold these things mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Sabbath is all about sacrifice. It’s about letting go of control.
Sabbath is meant to restore the soul.
Sacrifice of control, for the purpose of renewal.
That is not easy. That’s why it is a practice. This is not something that we are going to decide to do and just do it. It is something we are invited into. It’s hard and really scary. It challenges and exposes a lot. Letting go of the things we think hold us up… the things we think support us.
Sabbath is inviting us to let this go. Not to punish or as a slap on the hand… it’s meant to be a gift… watch God show up. He gave it to his people to say “I am holding all of this together”. In ancient times, there was a lot on the line to take 24 hours away from your work.
It’s an act of trust to say, watch God show up for you. Watch your people and your home and your finances be taken care of. And ultimately, watch your soul be taken care of.
Jesus had these healthy, bad-ass boundaries. He was just like, I’m done, I’m out!
After the sermon on the mount, the height of his ministry, Jesus slips away to rest. Holy trust to say, I can step away and it will all still be here. And if it’s not it’s still all good.
Our goal is letting go. An act of surrendering all the things we think we have to keep going.
Jesus’ language is about heaven touching earth. That’s what Sabbath is… bringing heaven here. Some days we may see a lot of heaven and some days it might be a quick kiss and that quick kiss is still really valuable. A moment of heaven is always worthwhile.
AW : For people just starting… what should the sabbath practice include?
Here are some things sabbath should include :
Physical rest
Your day should be slow, it should include a nap, 100%. It can include activity, but shouldn’t be filled with activity.
Good food
Has to. It is a biblical practice. Ancient practice starts and ends with a good meal.
Togetherness
As a family. As a single adult that may mean being with a life-giving friend.
This is meant to be restorative. Sabbath is not a day to host a party.
Sabbath practices require protection.
AW : What does that practically look like for your family? Especially with young kids…
This is ever evolving, because our family is constantly changing.
We have to hold it loosely.
There are truthfully some Sabbath days where we don’t go to bed feeling incredibly restored. Sometimes it’s just a hard parenting day. But I have to remember, God calls us into this as a family unit and I have to believe it’s better that way.
Sometimes rest is a little messy, but the thing with sabbath is that I get to do it again next week. So I keep fighting for it. I want my kids to see… “you’re safe to stop”. It’s safe and good to say “no”.
There are times when my sink is full on Friday night and it stays that way all day Saturday, because my worth is not attached to that sink. That is what sabbath teaches me. That sink can be full of dirty dishes and I’m still whole. I am still worthwhile and I am still a valuable mother. My home is still a safe place to be. My kids are still taken care of… even though my sink is full of dishes.
Even when we say “no” to our friends… I can miss that activity and I can still be whole and they will still be my friends on Sunday. That’s what we are practicing… that’s the hard part of sabbath… to be diligent and trust that it will all still be there and you will still be worthwhile.
AW : It’s easy to let comparison sneak in when watching others around you practice sabbath in what feels like the perfect way… how do you combat that feeling of guilt?
We are not meant to live feeling guilt and shame and we all do. We all look around… our homes don’t look the way we want them to, we aren’t getting where we want to get in our jobs or those relationships aren’t moving to the place we want… and sabbath is saying stop. This is not where your worth is or where your value lies.
It is a practice, it is a rhythm. When you’re practicing, there is no win or lose. This is not a competition. It’s you and God. I’ve had to fight to say any amount of me stepping towards God is always ending up for my good. Even if only for 10 minutes. That is good. God is inviting me into something. There is no right or wrong way to accept an invitation, it’s just yes.
So if you are feeling guilt or shame, I say lean in. Because most likely that is poking at something you are still holding onto.
AW : Final thoughts? Or advice for starting the sabbath practice?
If you’ve never practiced sabbath before, pick one thing to start with. Maybe you start with a big family meal on Saturday nights. Start with one thing you can do every week and let it build.
